Alien Sex: Byron vs. Bell, Pt. 1 - Eyes

This is part 1 of an ongoing internal debate between the two halves of my brain. In it, I hope to settle once and for all which one of the Discovery Channel's "Science Sexpots" would indeed be my preferred partner.

Both Kari Byron of "MythBusters" fame and Deanne Bell of the new series "Smash Lab" have what it takes to receive my Pumanther seed. But if forced to pick ONLY ONE, who would emerge victorious? And who would be left to weep uncontrollably at their loss?

In the interest of full disclosure, no matter how many installments of this series I make, it should be noted that my Pumanther seed is plentiful and highly potent. Whoever wins this particular part would only score a minor victory. For you see, although the battle may be awarded to one of them, the war can potentially be won by both. We Pumanthers are like lions. We spread our seed for the good of the race, and always protect our territory. What's stopping me from just hanging on to both of them? Nothing. But it's worth stirring the debate.


Eyes are an important feature for the Pumanther. Our incredible sight enables us to successfully stalk our prey, and the art of Pumanther seduction lies almost solely in the eyes. The eyes, it has been suggested, are “the window of the soul.” (Research also suggests that pupil diameter is a major indicator of cortical dopamine levels, but we won’t follow that road. Trust me, any lady lucky enough to be in my presence won’t have any trouble getting her dopamine levels up.)

My 20/15 vision was one of the first indicators that I was, in fact, a Pumanther. As such, I’m not concerned with who has the better eye-sight, simply with who has the more attractive eyes. Regardless of eye-sight, I’m going to make her wear glasses, simply because I think it’s sexy. They can be fake and transparent glasses with no magnifying properties to them at all; it really doesn’t matter to me. I like the accessory itself, and the illusion of intelligence it creates. (Although, as we’ll discuss in later installments, neither lady needs any help appearing intelligent.)

So, enough exposition. Let’s get down to it.

Kari Byron seems like she wears a fair amount of eye makeup. I’m no fan of makeup of any kind, and this is a serious strike against her. However, if we’re judging simply by eye color, Byron takes the cake. Kari has what appear to be VERY LIGHT BROWN eyes that seem to almost border on yellow. Assuming this isn’t an affect created by some kind of colored contacts, Kari Byron is naturally more like the Pumanther, and therefore may be more readily able to accept my seed.

Deanne Bell has dark, brooding, bedroom eyes, which may actually give her an advantage during our courtship. I’m a sucker for dark features, as we’ll discuss later in the “hair” installment. There is a certain devilishness behind her eyes when she smiles (oh trust me, there’s a smile installment) and she just has that “it” factor that let’s me know she’d look better in the glasses I’d be forcing her to wear.

Verdict for Part 1 - Eyes: Push.

I simply can’t decide, and will continue to pursue both of them. It may seem like a stupid move to select BOTH on Valentine's Day, but this isn't the first time I've sent out more than one Valentine invitation. Ladies......

Upcoming installments include (but are not limited to): Hair, Smile, Body, Intelligence, Personality, and Overall Attractiveness. (For the record, we already know Overall Attractiveness is going to be a Push, otherwise we (I) wouldn’t have started this debate to begin with).