I Hate To Do It: You Don't Deserve a Vote

I feel bad about this. But I don't.

I'm torn. But I shouldn't be.

Look. At this point in my life, I've been around the block once. Others my age are nearing a block and half. Good for them. I hear the Peabody’s set up a sprinkler on their front lawn this time around. I'm looking forward to that, and if I’m frugal, I can play in it when I get there.

Others still, on this life block, are lagging behind. They’re comfortable enjoying the scenery and the beautiful shrubs that Chock Tadio’s wife put up. Thats fine.

And being where I am, I can say that life as it is now, and more so later on, is not easy. I'm not talking about "trial" life, cause that shit was a joke. I'm talking about when the real shit kicks in. Jobs, Dating, Bills, Taxes, etc. Then you got Mortgages, Children, and Retirement and so on.

I mean, I can do it. I'm a responsible grown-ass man. I can, and I will. Even those laggards will figure it out. Otherwise, we'd have a REAL hobo problem. Homeless literally through the fucking roof. Well, I suppose not through the literal roof. If they had one to be through, they wouldn’t be...well you get it, you get it.

Literally, homeless through the hypothetical roof.


And now with a crude understanding of my even cruder socio-intellectual analogy, I present to you, a new low.

Working on a small business selling political merchandise, I received this email from an ardent Barack Obama supporter.

Congrats to him on S. Carolina win today!


To keep this win win going......have him ask his audience before he leaves
the stage,"WHO do you want for pres. to get the change you want?" The audience
will then holler his name......Have Obama say"I didn't hear you! The crowd
will holler louder.....and begin clapping for him. This MUST be done. Have Obama
ask the crowd"Who's gonna talk to others about my campaign?" Crowd will answer
"we will"......
Obama anwsers"You do his & we all will win in Nov."

I feel this will strongly help him win again & again.

Sir Willups Brightslymoore*

*Not A Real Name

I’ve read these few sentences more times than I’ve listened to my favorite song, ate my favorite ice cream, said my own name, and read Mary Elizabeth Winstead and Zooey Deschanel’s IMDB biography COMBINED.

The first time I read this I made this face



And what keeps me so flabbergasted every time I allow this nonsense into my brain, is that this person wrote this email from a house, on a computer, with the internet. And they payed for all of that stuff. They’re doing it. Life.

And so now we’re here. In this leap year of leap years. And we Americans have the ability to make an impact on the world that is so important to the future, that whenever Mike Huckabee speaks I can hear my unborn 2nd son’s unborn daughter screaming from inside my scrotum.

And everyone has equal say.