I like to call it Lost Wages: And I like to call myself...

friendly, but you'll see enough of that in our time together.

Alright, I'm tired of telling you what I am. So let's play Reversi while I tell you what I am NOT.

I am NOT one of the bleeding heart liberals that are all over this blog. I have a latent and true respect for the way America is currently working. I think money is good, and I'd like to swim in some one day. More importantly, to mock Mike Huckabee is to mock everything he's ever done, and his fake college deserves better than that.

I am NOT some faggot ass poet.
I am a serious intellectual, and you should know it.

I am NOT ok with everyone cussing left and right. But I'll be goddamned if I don't respect these motherfuckers' cunt-slapping First Amend-cocksucking-ment rights. For the ass shitting record, crunch is a c-shit-u-piss-s-pussy-s word.

I am NOT uninitiated in the human condition. On the contrary, I go to law school and, as such, I see the inner workings of all aspects of society. It is with this insight that I load my commentary-gun. I'm shooting a double-barrel of knowledge-shot right into your graying temples.

Now onto important lessons for everyone.
1. I don't want you to think, that I think, that I am better than you. To the contrary, I KNOW I'm better than you, and I want YOU to THINK (or KNOW and be wrong) you're better than me. That makes steps 6-12 of my life plan go much smoother... FOR BOTH OF US.

2. I don't want you to tell me how Candidate X will change my life come November and Candidate Y is the fifth coming of the devil (the first four comings all being Henry Clay). There are precious few difference between ANY of the candidates, and those differences can be called Babies and Gays. This opens the floor for differences on Gay-bies, but regardless any changes on these fronts have to be done through amendments and we know how easy it is to pass those. So in Novemeber, I'll be casting my vote for 11 am Mimosas and three-dozen pizza rolls, that should render me close enough to John Q. Public that I can vote accordingly.

3. Al Gore is an asshole. Don't get me wrong, I'm no anti-evolution bible-monkey... er, bible-human. I don't think Al Gore is wrong about global warming, but I think he isn't right enough to make a difference. In fact, he has probably hurt the cause more than not. Thank god bees are dying to let people know this shit is serious.

4. Never follow a hippy to a second location.

5. The unstoppable tandem of Mike Huckabee and Chuck Norris, a.k.a (affectionately know as) Chuck-abee, can only be countered by a democratic ticket featuring Mr. T. making the death match monumental. It would pit the Chuck-abee against either B.A. Barack or Clinton Lang.

Hey, let me tell you about your new best friend,
- BARNABY JONES

Nap.