Alien Sex: Rest Stops and Scenic Overlooks Are Creepy

Am I right, Mr. LYT?

I was all over the state of NJ this week, and unfortunately the perception most people have of NJ comes from their one brief stop at Newark Airport 10 years ago, or driving on the turnpike from exits 13 through 18, and smelling the distinct odor of urine mixed with noxious gases.

Look, there are parts of NJ that are awful, and I wouldn't recommend ANYBODY stopping there EVER for ANY reason. But 75% of the state is beautiful, and filled with the hardest working people in the world.

If you're not living on the East coast above the Mason-Dixon Line, or on the West coast in a major city, you're life isn't all that it could be.

Basically, Texas can go fuck itself right in its righteous asshole. The only thing "bigger" in Texas is the collective ego of the entire state, which spills over into neighboring states who think they know what the fuck they're talking about.



In New Jersey.......

Is there the off chance that you'll run into a homosexual looking for a hand job at a rest stop?

Sure.


Might your "waitress" have an Adam's Apple, and a voice deeper than Britney Spears' pussy?

Possibly.


Are you putting your life on the line every time you drive on one of our highways?

Quite simply....yes.


But, will your life be better off for experiencing such things? Will you have better stories to tell? Will you go home every night with a sense of accomplishment that dwarfs that of every other state in the union?

Absolutely.


(Am I asking too many rhetorical questions? That's debatable.)




It's called "character," bitches. Order some online if there isn't any available to you locally.



Of course, there are advantages to living in the middle of nowhere, underneath power lines, milking cows and goats and trying to scratch out a place for yourself in the world. Just off the top of my head...I can't think of any reasons to justify such a lifestyle, but I suppose it's a respectable living provided you're not a total asshole.

There's a lot of shit in political news that talks about "Blue States" and "Red States." I don't buy into such marginalization, and I don't think we're all that different at our core, but I will tell you this:

If you're living anywhere other than the coasts, and you think you're happy, you really need to stop lying to yourself and face this grim reality: Other than Chicago, there's nothing worth seeing or doing anywhere between NY and LA, (and I hate both of those cities more than anything in the world).

Are there great people all over this country? Absolutely. But they're wasting away there when they could be fulfilling their potential here.

I think that's a marginalization we can all get behind. Just watch who's getting behind you. Especially at rest stops and scenic overlooks.

- Sweetness