Alien Sex: Don't Screw This Up

It's official: there will be an Office spinoff this year. No details have been announced, other than it will be run by Office head Greg Daniels and Office writer/producer Mike "Cousin Mose" Schur (also of FireJoeMorgan.com fame).

When it was first announced that NBC would be Americanizing the British version of The Office, I was really upset. Gervais created perfect characters, and a storyline that ended exactly when and where it should have. He knew a third season could never be as good as the first two, and decided to go out on top.

Letting his show migrate across the Atlantic was, in my opinion at the time, a major mistake.

Turns out I was wrong.

What Greg Daniels and the rest of that squad have accomplished is impressive; duplicating the awkwardly brilliant feel of the British original.

But what will this spinoff bring to the table? Will it follow Toby to Costa Rica? Will Schrute Farms become a successful bed & breakfast? Will we see what Ryan's life is like in minimum security prison, as he serves his time for white-collar crime? All of the above?

I can't think of any legitimate ways to improve or add to what The Office already has going for it. The Big Four (Carell, Wilson, Krasinski and Fischer) were PERFECT casting to take over their respective roles in the American version, but let's not get carried away.

We don't need a spinoff. We need every face on that show to have better character development. If Pam is going to New York, let her stay there for a while, and really succeed in what she's doing. Ryan is gone, that position in NY is open, and Jim seems more than qualified to take over. Pam should quit her shitty receptionist job and stay in New York. Jim can follow her there by taking Ryan's newly vacated position at the top.

This spinoff will supposedly premier in January, right after the Super Bowl. The Office season premier is in September, so 3 full months (and probably 10-15 episodes) of Jim/Pam drama will put the show right back where it was before the writers' strike. Then, you have a show that's entirely about Jim and Pam and their trials and tribulations in the big city. Jim will be Michael's boss, so he'll still have to keep in contact with the Scranton office, PLUS we'd get to see his "everyman" persona deal with the other Dunder-Mifflin branches and whatever psychos they might have dwelling inside. It leaves the door open for dozens of cameos, and countless storylines.

I have no doubt that Daniels and Schur are capable of pulling off something worthwhile with this spinoff, I just don't see more than 1 or 2 ways to make it watchable without being completely predicatable. I've already predicted what I think will/should happen, and I don't feel like it required any kind of deep thought on my part; I'm just saying what I think would make good TV and fit within the current confines of the characters and their abilities.

The question is: how do you re-make a re-make that was already pitch-perfect in its approach to re-making the original?

Anyone who's ever made a copy of a dubbed tape knows what's going to happen here. The first copy is always of great quality, but each subsequent copy has more and more audible hiss that eventually renders it unlistenable. I hope this perfectly cast and impeccably written show doesn't overexpose itself.

There's only so much juice you can squeeze out of an orange. Sooner or later, you just end up with a cup full of pulp that sticks in your teeth.

Who didn't like THAT analogy?

- Sugar