Alien Sex: It's Not A Phobia

I saw two guys riding a tandem bike down a major street this Saturday. It was the first time I've ever used the word "gay" in a completely pejorative, not-at-all-kidding kind of way. I wasn't just saying it, I really fuckin meant it. I mean, that's so obnoxious. If two straight men, a straight man and a straight woman, or two women of ANY sexual orientation would have done the same thing, I would have looked at it and said "That's really gay."

Just because you're gay doesn't make you immune to that criticism. I don't care what you do in bed with each other, that's got nothing to do with this, and you're immature and unreasonable for even making that suggestion, so seriously, shut the fuck up.

Now, you may be saying, "Why do you assume they were gay?" Well, it's true that it MIGHT have been two straight men, but even if it was, it's still GAY. It's just inherently gay. There's nothing you can say to make me believe that two people, of any gender, of any sexual orientation, riding a tandem bike down a major rode isn't straight up gay. It just is. It's a fact of life. That shit is gay.

From time to time, I'll use the word "gay" with a negative connotation, but it's always in a playful I-really-don't-mean-any-harm-by-it kind of way.

Well, guess what?

I fuckin meant it this time. If people are going to ride tandem bikes on major rodes in full-blown spandex with aerodynamic helmets, I'm gonna be meaning it a hell of a lot more often.

I have to defend common sense in all its forms at all times, and this time is no different. Sorry homosexuals, sorry cyclists.....that shit is gay.