Buy, sell! Buy, sell! Funny money, boo-bah!

I, as you may or may not know, was forced to major in finance, very much against my own will. This, as you can imagine, has given me a very negative outlook on the world of investing, as a whole. However, never in my wildest dreams could I have imagined the panicked pussy stock sell-off that is occurring right now.

For years I fought with professors and classmates, as I firmly believed that the stock market was a zero-sum game, destined to widen the gap between rich and poor and weaken the tenets of capitalism a little more each year. I was scoffed at. I was called a Socialist, Communist, Terrorist, Motorist, Sexist, Racist and Flautist. Only the Motorist part was true, but it still hurt to hear it.

Now, I can't pick up a newspaper without seeing triple-digit stock losses every day. Are you guys serious? THIS is the infallible system you believed in so deeply? THIS is the greatest economic system ever invented?

Your market was so weak that deadbeats taking out awful mortgages crippled it in less than 5 years? Wow.

What a bunch of fucking pussies. Your bullshit about, "This is America, blah. Capitalism is the greatest system ever, blah. The great part about the American economy is that we're too big to fail, blah. You say it's such a flawed system, but then why would every other industrialized country in the world stand behind it as well, blah."

BULLSHIT.

Fucking pussies. You just wanted your money. You never believed in a single thing you were saying. I could see it in your stupid spoiled faces. Your definition of a sustainable economy is, and always will be, "Whatever puts money in MY pocket."

Don't get me wrong, I'm actually fine with that line of thinking. I just expect a grown man to look me in the eyes and know his own limitations. YOU are not capable of having faith in anything. YOU have participated in the greatest market collapse in the history of the world. Don't tell me, "Oh, the depression was worse." The depression happened in the 1930's. You remember how FDR had to live his life in a wheelchair? That wasn't caused by some kind of car or boat accident. He had fucking polio. Because the vaccine hadn't been discovered yet. Don't you think, more than 70 years later, we should have learned how to keep a sustainable economy afloat?

PUSSIES.

Run to your McMansions with all of your "retirement funds" like a squirrel gathering nuts for the winter. You really think, with the current global political and economic climate that you can truly "retire" with less than $5 million? You'll be working the rest of your life, just like the rest of us.

The first thing anyone learns about the stock market is, "buy low, sell high." Well, you fucking cowardly cunts, it doesn't get much lower than this. So, start investing again. If you were right about the infallibility of the system, then you have nothing to worry about.

Or, if you truly are the waste of life that I've always thought you were, you'll scurry back to your winter home, acorns in tow.

Cherish them, they're the only thing even remotely resembling "nuts" that you'll ever have,

The only thing getting richer in this country right now is the irony.